Cutting through all the bullshit and laying it all out from the beginning, my wife, who I will call "Sally" here, reconnected’ with her ex-boyfriend after being married to me for a little over four years. Their initial meeting, which I didn't know about was supposed to be them getting coffee and innocently catching up, quickly progressed to an emotional affair that she naturally hid from me. The time spans involved with their infidelity is fuzzy but Sally and, I’ll call him "POS", progressed to a full sexual affair a month or so later.
Yeah there a few were red flags but at that time I totally trusted my wife and would have never dreamed she would screw around. All marriages have natural ups and downs with the feelings of individuals involved growing stronger at times and then fading. The best any couple can do is communicate and actively work to keep the relationship healthy. Sally’s employer at the time of her seeing POS for coffee was merging with another company and everything about her job was uncertain. New people were being brought in while some were laid off with only a couple of days notice.While that was going on, I was helping my sister with her newly disabled husband. The idiot bro-in-law was in a motorcycle accident leaving him in a wheelchair and my sister close to a nervous breakdown. So neither Sally nor me, call me Brian, were devoting a lot of time or effort to our marriage.
Sally and I were introduced to each other by our respective friends, "Mike" and "Jane". They had been married for a couple of years and thought Sally and myself would make a good couple. Here’s where things start to get complicated, see my last relationship had ended a little over a year before with my career-minded girlfriend breaking up with me to take a job in Australia.
I was sad but had realized from the beginning that "Chloe" and I would not be a lifelong item. I appreciated Mike and Jane wanting to set Sally and me up but honestly, I was happy with the casual dating scene.
Sally on the other hand had broken up with her boyfriend, POS, around eight months prior and for reasons I couldn’t discern was eager to seriously date with the idea of settling down. But after a blind date that went okay and then a dinner at Mike and Jane’s place with them we started dating even though I didn’t see Sally and I going anyplace. Much later I would learn from Mike that Sally told Jane she was crazy about me after the dinner date with them and would do whatever it took for us to become a couple.
I on the other hand was going slowly and in fact after the fourth date, I believe, I intended to break things off with Sally and go our separate ways. It was the next, and what I thought final, date that I began to feel something for Sally and decided to take things further. With how everything ended so disastrously all those fuzzy and warm feelings we had at the beginning are a bit of a mystery to me now.
While it took time for me, once I fell for Sally it was hard and complete. In the space of a few months Sally became the center of my universe. Sally in turn feed off my feelings and returned them without any hesitation. Like other couples we moved in together and were engaged about nine months after meeting.
Yes, our relationship had grown way too fast but you know what they say about hindsight. And yes, along the way I had a long conversation with Sally about her previous relationships. Since Sally had emphasized the relationship with POS during that conversation as being more serious, I naturally pushed harder on the questioning to find out if she had any remaining feelings for him. She assured me that it was over between the two and couldn’t understand how she ever had feelings for him. Sally seemed sincere and probably believed those words at the time but things did fall apart.
Quick aside--My new therapist has recommended that I journal about how my marriage fell apart. That three years after the divorce I'm still extremely emotionally damaged and unable to trust any woman. That for me to be able to have a healthy relationship where I can trust again I'll have to work through these feelings.
She recommended posting on Reddit but after reading several subreddits dealing with failed relationships I dislike how some poster are treated. I believe Blogger will supply a better avenue to work through my feelings.
Oh yeah, POS stands for Piece of Shit.
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