How This Started Part Three

 Sally immediately started crying while still standing in the doorway of our bedroom. Whether it was guilt-based or Sally just upset that she had slipped up I have no idea. I didn't either really, I had read enough to understand that our marriage was over. There had been too many declarations of love along with those vague statements about a future together. 

Somewhere in the back of my head I considered the possibility that it was Sally's intention to stay married to me while carrying on a long term affair with POS. That thought lead to me wondering if my wife intended to stay married to me was she going to have my kids or get pregnant from POS and try to pass them off as my biological offspring.

I told Sally to sit down and prepare to answer every question I asked. Simply put, I didn't get the answers I expected, in fact all I got were hazy remarks between sobs about how she never meant for it to go this far. The conversation seemingly went on forever but not once did she ever say sorry for fucking another man. The other thing she never said was that she wanted to be with me. Of course, from the moment I saw POS real name on the text alert, I knew it was over.

Yes, I thought back to the conversation I had with her just as we got serious about whether or not she was over POS. When I asked if she ever loved me, I got a sad smile and a nod. I didn't see any reason to pursue that inquiry any further. 

I finally told her to get out, to take as much stuff she could carry and leave. I didn't have to directly tell her to go to POS, because I knew that would be the first place she would. The final twist of the knife in my heart was her calling POS and telling him she was on her way. It might have been my imagination, but I swear I heard a hint of relief in her voice as she explained to POS how things had went sideways.

As the weeks flashed by and lawyers were brought onboard to unwind this fuck-up Sally never once tried to talk to me. I had conversations with her parents and sister but through them I knew Sally was now living with POS. Sally sister, who I will call "Jane", was furious with her sibling. Jane had always been friendly to me while Sally parents had been indifferent. Thinking on it now I wonder if that was because they understood Sally had just buried her feelings for POS and knew they would resurface.

At least Sally told her lawyer all she wanted from me was her freedom. That she didn't need any alimony nor did she claim any portion of the house we had bought. In fact her one communication with me was a message through her attorney hoping that I would move into the house and find someone else to share it with.

Just to keep my occupied and to finish up the remodel, I went to the house several times during the divorce but realized that there was just too many reminders of her for me to live there. After consulting with my uncle, I sold the place to another young couple. 

So what does a betrayed loser do after being played a fool? The ink on the divorce papers wasn't dry when I began looking for another job away from my current location. The city I live isn't small but its in no way big enough to avoid my ex-wife and her new husband. I valued my sanity too much to even think about the emotional and mental blows I would receive seeing them around town.

Not that I wanted to tell my boss or coworkers anything about the betrayal and divorce but I had to remove Sally from my life insurance policy. The hens in HR figured it out, along with one of them probably hearing about it on the local grapevine which filtered down to my boss. Boss  man actually helped me transfer to the new, bigger city.

Of course, I went no contact with Sally but learned through a friend that the two were married just a month after the divorce. And that the two had moved themselves to the other side of the country. I have no idea if that was part of their plan or if that was a final gift to me.

 Which helped out when idiot bro-in-law committed suicide leaving my sister to deal with his shit. As fast as possible I moved back to my hometown to help her out. Very luckily, Boss man called in favors and got me transferred back. 

Side note- During the months that passed waiting for the divorce I found myself fantasizing that Sally would realize her grave mistake and come back to me. That her apparent love for POS was just affair fog. I despise myself now for thinking those thoughts.

As the months then years passed, I attempted to rebuild my life. Started therapy as soon as possible, but eventually had to drop that counselor because he was pushing me to call Sally and POS and say I forgive them both. Even worse, he wanted me to say I loved them which made my skin crawl.

While I gave up on the idea that Sally would crawl back to me asking forgiveness, I did believe that POS and her would breakup. What I remember about Sally telling me about POS when we were dating was that he was arrogant and self-absorbed, maybe even a borderline narcissist.

With our marriage dead and buried you would think Sally couldn't hurt me anymore. Three years or so after the divorce I was still an emotional wreck, the casual dating I had once enjoyed seemed empty and pointless. I guess a taste of the married life had turned me into a domesticated animal. I missed Sally all three of those years somehow still believing she was my soulmate. That while our marriage had crashed and burned, in a different reality she never betrayed me.

That foolishness ended when I ran into an old friend at a bar after yet another failed date. He knew a person who was still in contact with Sally and learned that POS and her now had two kids and were very much in love. That in fact they were now a model couple and pillars of their community. Yes, that meant even going to church, something I found exceptionally funny. 

While I found it funny, it tore me up inside. So I tried therapy again with this one telling me to write out my feelings. The therapist asked me if I dreamed of revenge against them or Sally coming back to me. It was a loose yes on the first one and only brief flashes of thought on the second.

So she recommended that I write stories where just those situations happen. Now with my sad life written out my following posts will be fictional stories where the foolish loser is a winner in someway.

Yes, I still try to date occasionally but after running into a few total bitches, I have given up on finding someone to share the rest of my life. Others may be in a worse situation my I seemed condemned to my own personal hell. Not one of fire and pain but gray skies, nothing to look forward to, and emptiness.

I'm not about to kill myself but my job and my sister and her kid are the only thing keeping me sane.           

 

 

 

       

 

  

How This Stuff Started Part Two

 So Sally and I were a normal married couple, the first year was total bliss with both of us going primal in the bedroom. The sex was passionate and many times it was her initiating, which was always reassuring to me about her commitment to our marriage. And no, our relationship was not solely based on sex.

We were constantly going on road trips during the weekends and and more than a few actual vacations over the course of our relationship. But mainly we enjoyed each others interests and company, I can honestly say we were friends. An yes, we were both employed but our respective jobs had great paid time off benefits. As young couples went, we were in a great position financially as well as emotionally, at least that was what I believed.

It was in the second year of our marriage that my grandmother passed away. The house she and my grandfather, he passed several years before, lived in had been built in the late 1940s. My uncle, who controlled her estate thought it would be a great starter home for Sally and me. 

After buying the house at a greatly reduced price the task of updating and remodeling began. Sally and I began sinking just about all our money and time into the process. It was a labor of love and while I either did the actual work or oversaw the contractors on things like electrical wiring and plumbing, Sally did the interior design work. So the house became an expression of Sally's personality and I dreamed of raising our kids there.

We began our third year of marriage on the verge of moving into the house when shit started flying. Sally's work had an initial layoff with her responsibilities seemingly changing on a weekly basis. Since my job was rock solid, I did my best to support Sally emotionally but because of the stress she was facing we decided to hold off on pulling the trigger on moving into the house. That just gave us time to put the final touches on our new place. 

When the merger at Sally's work was announced few months later we decided to wait even longer before doing the move. We still needed to buy furniture and thought spending the money would be unwise. We were happy in our apartment and figured, well at least I did, that we had the rest of our lives to begin our life there. 

Somewhere in the months ahead, POS contacts Sally with them eventually having the meeting at the coffee shop. Sometime after my discovery of Sally's betrayal, I talked with her sister and she said the meeting was supposed to be them just catching up, at least that is what my wife told her. What exactly pushed Sally and POS over the edge I haven't a clue. But given the date when they talked, I almost immediately noticed my wife acting different. 

With me dealing with panic stricken sister and idiot bro-in-law, I disregarded Sally's unusual behavior. That is until saw a text message alert on Sally's phone a few months later. She had walked over to our next door neighbor's apartment and left the phone on her nightstand. I was dumbstruck to see POS actual name on the text alert knowing deep down this was the end of my marriage. Fuck privacy and trust, I grabbed her phone intent on knowing what the shit wanted with my wife. I quickly discovered Sally had changed the password to her phone but I knew where she kept a small notebook listing that information. 

Once unlocked it didn't take a lot of poking to find all the texts, nude photos, and videos they were sending each other. Though it was their emails that was a knife in my heart.

After a few weeks of sleazy flirting, they moved straight to confessions of love. Then came the email expressing how wonderful their lovemaking had been. During these exchanges Sally expressed no guilt about cheating on me, in fact there were vague comments from both of them about having a future together. 

Of course, I screen saved and sent just about all of the texts, pictures, and emails to my account. All told I spent around two-hours on her phone. I was sitting on the bed with her phone in my hands when she returned to the apartment. The second Sally walked into the bedroom and saw me she knew I had found out.

Side notes- In case anyone reads these sad posts, no I do not hate Sally. While I would have loved that woman for my entire life reading about her affair killed a part of me. The scale of their involvement had reduced me to less than a side note in her life. I was angry, hurt but most of all numb but in time I took on an attitude of indifference that has followed me in all my relationships.                     

How This Stuff Started Part One

 Cutting through all the bullshit and laying it all out from the beginning, my wife, who I will call "Sally" here, reconnected’ with her ex-boyfriend after being married to me for a little over four years. Their initial meeting, which I didn't know about was supposed to be them getting coffee and innocently catching up, quickly progressed to an emotional affair that she naturally hid from me. The time spans involved with their infidelity is fuzzy but Sally and, I’ll call him "POS", progressed to a full sexual affair a month or so later.

Yeah there a few were red flags but at that time I totally trusted my wife and would have never dreamed she would screw around. All marriages have natural ups and downs with the feelings of individuals involved growing stronger at times and then fading. The best any couple can do is communicate and actively work to keep the relationship healthy. Sally’s employer at the time of her seeing POS for coffee was merging with another company and everything about her job was uncertain. New people were being brought in while some were laid off with only a couple of days notice.While that was going on, I was helping my sister with her newly disabled husband. The idiot bro-in-law was in a motorcycle accident leaving him in a wheelchair and my sister close to a nervous breakdown. So neither Sally nor me, call me Brian, were devoting a lot of time or effort to our marriage.

Sally and I were introduced to each other by our respective friends, "Mike" and "Jane". They had been married for a couple of years and thought Sally and myself would make a good couple. Here’s where things start to get complicated, see my last relationship had ended a little over a year before with my career-minded girlfriend breaking up with me to take a job in Australia.

I was sad but had realized from the beginning that "Chloe" and I would not be a lifelong item. I appreciated Mike and Jane wanting to set Sally and me up but honestly, I was happy with the casual dating scene.

Sally on the other hand had broken up with her boyfriend, POS, around eight months prior and for reasons I couldn’t discern was eager to seriously date with the idea of settling down. But after a blind date that went okay and then a dinner at Mike and Jane’s place with them we started dating even though I didn’t see Sally and I going anyplace. Much later I would learn from Mike that Sally told Jane she was crazy about me after the dinner date with them and would do whatever it took for us to become a couple.

I on the other hand was going slowly and in fact after the fourth date, I believe, I intended to break things off with Sally and go our separate ways. It was the next, and what I thought final, date that I began to feel something for Sally and decided to take things further. With how everything ended so disastrously all those fuzzy and warm feelings we had at the beginning are a bit of a mystery to me now.

While it took time for me, once I fell for Sally it was hard and complete. In the space of a few months Sally became the center of my universe. Sally in turn feed off my feelings and returned them without any hesitation. Like other couples we moved in together and were engaged about nine months after meeting.

Yes, our relationship had grown way too fast but you know what they say about hindsight. And yes, along the way I had a long conversation with Sally about her previous relationships. Since Sally had emphasized the relationship with POS during that conversation as being more serious, I naturally pushed harder on the questioning to find out if she had any remaining feelings for him. She assured me that it was over between the two and couldn’t understand how she ever had feelings for him. Sally seemed sincere and probably believed those words at the time but things did fall apart.

Quick aside--My new therapist has recommended that I journal about how my marriage fell apart. That three years after the divorce I'm still extremely emotionally damaged and unable to trust any woman. That for me to be able to have a healthy relationship where I can trust again I'll have to work through these feelings.

She recommended posting on Reddit but after reading several subreddits dealing with failed relationships I dislike how some poster are treated. I believe Blogger will supply a better avenue to work through my feelings.  

Oh yeah, POS stands for Piece of Shit.